Holy Crap!!!!

And so it begins! Today we are packing up everything and getting ready to head out to Missouri TOMORROW! I can't even believe it. It doesn't seem real at all and I can't even believe it's happening. I am definitely going to try MUCH harder to blog since we will be so far away, but I will have to neglect the good ol' blog until we get everything situated with the internet... I'll do my ode to Utah later. So long, Utah!

"Someday everything will make perfect sense... Someday."

**WARNING! This is extremely long and at times you may think it is TMI, but this is my blog and my life. The good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty. If you don't want to see the bad and the ugly, don't read this.. :)**

As I sit down to write this, I'm still not even sure I'll ever post it for the public eye to see. Matt says writing everything down can be therapeutic. He says that many women go through this same thing, and sometimes it's refreshing for them to hear from someone who has gone through it themselves. I am hoping maybe by going through hard things, that opens me up to be able to empathize with others who are going through it. It is really easy to feel alone when you go through hard times and feel like you are the only one to have ever gone through this or feel this way. Well, going through this I not only realized that I'm not the only one to have gone through this and in a lot of ways it can always be worse... So even if I never post this story, I will at least save it for my own records and for me to look back and reflect on this experience later in life.

On Saturday March 2, 2013, I woke up and decided I was just going to do it. Matthew and I had been trying to get pregnant for about 8 months. We figure that birth control really did a number on me. My periods only come every 6 weeks, and birth control forced me to go to every 4 weeks. You can see how this would cause a problem once going off of birth control. Anyway, I had been feeling nauseous for a couple of weeks (among other "pregnancy symptoms" I won't go into detail about), and decided I was going to take a pregnancy test just to see. I hadn't hit the point where I had missed my period, but I was too curious and I pretty much knew I was pregnant. Well anyway, I took the test and I found out that I was indeed pregnant! I went in to the bedroom where Matthew was and freaked out telling him there were 2 lines instead of just one. We were SO excited to finally have a positive pregnancy test. We did the math and found out I was due on October 30, 2013 and I was about 5 weeks along at the time, I believe.

Fast forward about a week. We decided to tell our parents and our grandparents first. They knew we were trying and we thought it would be nice to have their prayers in the early stages of a pregnancy. They were all so excited for us. Grandpa Stanley cried and jumped up and down and hugged us so tight I thought my eyes could pop out. I cried every time we announced it to someone new because I was just so excited. Maybe someday I'll get around to posting how we announced it to the families. But that is not what this is about. A couple of weeks later, we announced it to siblings, and then about a week later we announced it to aunts and uncles. We only went as far as family until my first appointment.

My first appointment was scheduled for April 8 at 10 AM when I was almost 11 weeks pregnant. I had never had or seen an ultrasound before, so I was so nervous and excited to see my baby for the first time. I was excited to hear that tiny heartbeat and see a new life being created inside of me. We went in to Dr. Horsley's office. They called us back and we waited in the next room. Dr. Horsley came in and we chatted for a little while. Matt is going to the same medical school that Dr. Horsley graduated from, so we talked about that a lot. He was SO excited to hear that we were expecting. The first thing we were going to do was go back to ultrasound. I was glad I didn't have to wait much longer. We went back to the ultrasound room and waited for Dr. Horsley there.  He came in and got ready to do the ultrasound. We started and he made a joke about how my bladder was full and he could see it on the ultrasound. Then the room went quiet. I waited and waited to hear that tiny heartbeat and looked and looked for my tiny baby... Nothing. Then Dr. Horsley spoke up. "So..." and then a pause. He turned and looked at me and put his hand on my arm and said "I think you had a miscarriage. I am so sorry..." All of the feeling left my body. I couldn't feel my body or really focus on anything. He went on to say that it looked like my baby had stopped growing at about 7 weeks and my body just hadn't gotten rid of it the way that most other women do. I was completely blindsided. I figured everything would be just fine because I hadn't bled AT ALL. The only inkling that I had that something was wrong was that my nausea had subsided a few weeks before. I didn't feel sick anymore. And here I thought I was just one of the lucky ones who didn't get very sick while pregnant.

Dr. Horsley gave me some tissues and said he would give us a minute and then he'd come back and talk about the options. I remember Matt grabbing onto my hand and pulling me back down to reality. I cried and cried and cried. I was completely in shock and I had a really hard time grasping the fact that this baby I had dreamed about and loved and everything was just... Gone. There was just some problem with that tiny little body that made it so that it stopped growing. Dr. Horsley came back in and talked to us for a little bit. In all honesty, I don't remember most of it. I remember him telling me that it wasn't my fault and I couldn't have prevented it. He then told me about the options. This was part of "having a miscarriage" that I wasn't prepared for. I wasn't prepared to have to make a decision on how to kick the tissue and everything out of my body. I had 3 options: wait for my body to kick it out by itself, take medicine to kick it out, or have the surgical procedure called a D&C. You can read details on those at those links. Because my baby was lost about 3 weeks before and had yet to kick it out, waiting even longer was not an option for us. Dr. Horsley said beyond that, it was our decision. He said he was 99% positive that I had lost it, but we tested my blood anyway to make sure my HcG levels were indeed going down. They drew my blood on Monday, then again Wednesday, and then he would call me Wednesday night to tell me the results and we would decide what to do from there. He gave me a big hug, told me he was so sorry, and sent us on our way to... heal or something.

It is safe to say that day was probably the worst day of my life. After I got home, I got a call from my mom. She knew our appointment was that morning and was worried when she didn't hear from us for awhile. I answered the phone already crying and told her what happened. I was a mess. She talked to me for a little while, tried to console me, and then told me she would take care of telling the rest of the family so that I didn't have to. That was actually a huge relief. We hung up and I just sat on the couch... Probably for the rest of the day. I got texts from my siblings telling me they loved me and were so sorry and I cried every time. My dad called to tell me he loved me and I cried some more. Matthew and I both didn't go into work, and he just stayed by me all day and let me cry on his shoulder. My sister, Nicole, came over after work and as soon as I saw her, I started bawling and so did she. We talked about the options and I told her I didn't know what to do. I was so angry I had to make a decision like that after hearing that I lost my baby. I didn't want to have to do that, I just wanted to be left alone to accept what had happened and be able to move on from there. I didn't like either of my options. I didn't want to have a surgical procedure, and I didn't want to put medicine in my body that most people said "basically sends you into labor". Oh yeah, did I mention that the D&C costs $3000?? Yeah... We don't exactly have that much money either..

That night, Matthew and I crawled in to bed to try to get some sleep. I was still pretty depressed from the day, and Matthew could definitely tell. He pulled me in and grabbed the computer to play me a song. This is what he played for me:

It was SO good and just what I needed to hear. I have always loved Elder Holland, and that song was so powerful. It spoke directly to me. I cried through the whole thing, but it also gave me the strength that I needed to get through the upcoming week. We said our prayers and called it a night.

Tuesday was a normal day. We both went to work and I just tried to keep my mind busy. Matthew sent me flowers and that was the only time I cried all day during work. No one at my work (except for my boss, who wasn't there that day) knew I was pregnant, so I didn't really have to break the news to everyone, which I think maybe helped. On the one hand, you want everyone to know what you are going through, but on the other hand, I just kind of wanted to fade into the background and be left alone.. So that is what I did.

The week got kind of crappy from there. I went in to the doctor on Wednesday to have them draw my blood again to test my levels and then Dr. Horsley called that afternoon to talk about the options. He told me that my levels had gone down and that it was actually a pretty significant decrease and he wouldn't be surprised if it passed pretty soon. I told him that waiting wasn't really an option at that point. I consulted with him and told him my concerns about both and then he said he didn't think the medicine was as bad as I was picturing (or as bad as the internet was telling me it was). So we decided to move forward with the medicine and he called it in. He told me to call him the following day to update him on what was happening and if everything seemed to pass to schedule an appointment to come in.

That night I took the medicine just before bed in hopes that everything would happen while I was sleeping. Well... it didn't and I woke up at 6 AM to... we'll just say everything happening. The cramping sucked, but it seemed like everything passed pretty quickly, so I called the doctor's office and scheduled an appointment for about an hour away. I showered and the bleeding seemed to slow down quite significantly (sorry, TMI??), so I thought the worst of it was over. I went to the doctor and they took me straight back to ultrasound to be sure everything had passed without any problems. While in the office, I started bleeding pretty heavily again. Like, way bad, but for fear of grossing everyone out, I won't expound on that. Dr. Horsley came to do the ultrasound and said it looked like everything was gone but there was still quite a bit of blood in there so he wanted to take me back to an exam room to make sure everything was ok. So we waited there for the medical assistant and I started feeling extremely dizzy. The kind of dizzy that you feel when you stand up too fast, except for I was still sitting down. I laid down on the table to try to make it go away and then the MA came in. I told her I was bleeding really bad and I needed to go to the restroom and change my clothes. She helped me get up and then Matthew walked me to the bathroom (literally 10 feet away). I got the the doorway of the bathroom and got really dizzy again, so I leaned up against it to try to see clearly again, and that is when everything went blank.

From my perspective, I went to some sort of swirly twirly land kind of like you would see in Willy Wonka. There was weird music playing and everything was extremely colorful. I felt like I had been there for awhile. from Matthew's perspective, he put his arms underneath my armpits when I leaned up against the door frame, and then I was just dead weight in his arms. I didn't fall backwards, I just dropped straight down. Everyone in the hospital kept saying how glad they were that he was there to catch me because it could have been much worse had I hit my head or something. So I woke up to the MA kind of tapping my face saying "stay with me". That was actually super freaky to me for some reason. I thought I had died or something! Matt brought her a wet rag and she put it on the back of my neck and that really helped snap me back to reality. I didn't really know where I was or what I was doing before then. So Matt sat next to me on the floor and held my hand and another MA came and sat next to me and talked with me. They called a guy from the ER over, and he took FOREVER to come over. When he got there, he called someone else on his walkie talkie and said "hey, I think I'm going to need you to bring me a wheelchair or something, this is more serious than I originally thought". So he took a little bit of blood to test my hemoglobin levels (they were worried I had lost too much blood and would need a transfusion or something) and then he started me on an IV. The IV helped a lot and my color started to come back to my face (at least that's what everyone was telling me). So then they wheeled me to the ER for Dr. Horsley to do an "emergency D&C". I was so upset that after everything I had been through, I still ended up having to have the procedure done anyway. I was glad that the nightmare was almost over though.

Well... it wasn't that bad. They gave me loopy medicine and I was kind of out of it for most of the time anyway, so I'm glad for that. Matthew was with me the entire time and the staff in the ER was fabulous. One of my nurses had actually had lost a baby much, much later than I lost mine and she talked with me for a little while and was so sweet. There were so many tender mercies along the way, I can't even begin to describe the comfort that I found in all of them. My physical nightmare was over, and it was time for the emotional healing.

I guess this is my emotional healing. Sitting here, typing it ALL out. Most people like to keep their hardships private and they think it's personal, but talking about it is actually very therapeutic for me. It has really helped me to accept what has happened to me and what my reality is and move forward from there. Just like how being pregnant becomes much more real when you say "I'm pregnant", not being pregnant only became real to me when I had to speak the words. It was really, REALLY hard at first, but I am getting better.

I spoke in Stake Conference about 3 weeks after this happened and my topic was "hope in times of despair". I decided to share my story. I didn't tell the whole story with the ER and everything because I didn't need to. When talking about the gospel, it is not the times of despair that we should focus on; it is the hope that comes when we are going through those times of despair. Never before in my life have I had to go through something so hard that made me rely on others and on the gospel so much. My testimony is so much stronger after going through this than it was before. I wish I didn't have to go through trials to gain a stronger testimony, but unfortunately, I do. I realized going through this whole thing that God does exist and he is with us every step of the way, no matter how dark the moments are. As I said before, here were so many tender mercies shown to me along the way, I know they weren't coincidences. It was God's hand working miracles in my life; showing me that he is there for me. I found so much hope during this experience, and I am so grateful for that. I am grateful for my trials (only after they're over) because I know who I become and how much stronger I become as a result of my trials.

Matthew and I will have kids someday. I know that. They will be the cutest little devils you have ever met. They will probably be extremely naughty and I will look back on this someday and think "why did I want children so bad??", but I will love them with all of my heart. I have been made promises, and I know that those promises will come true for me someday. It may not be by my timing, but when is it ever exactly by our timing? I am grateful for the gospel in my life and everything it does for me. I don't know where I would be without it.

So lastly, here are a few of the tender mercies I experienced, not all of them, just some:

1. My husband. Seriously, have I mentioned how perfect he is? He was my rock through this whole situation. There were nights when he would just hold me and comfort me and tell me everything would be ok. He went to the doctor's appointments with me and even had to catch me when I passed out. Thank goodness blood doesn't make him queasy because he wouldn't have made it through this with me. I can't imagine having to ever go through this alone, and I sure hope no one ever has to. I pray that everyone always at least has SOMEBODY, and then I could only hope they were as amazing as Matthew.

2. My doctor. Not everyone gets to have an incredible doctor like Dr. Horsley. He is a member of the church as well as an incredible doctor. He brought me answers from a medical standpoint as well as an eternal standpoint that were so comforting to me. He cares so deeply about his patients and shows that every time. He always took the time to answer all of my questions and ask if there was anything he could do for me. I know he was an answer to my prayers and I am sad I won't be able to keep him as my doctor now that we're moving.

3. My family. When we found out that we were pregnant, there is always the question of  "when do we tell everyone else?" There is always a very real possibility of losing the child, and everyone knows it. I couldn't imagine NOT having them know that I was pregnant when I had my miscarriage. The support that I received was incredible. The texts, calls, visits, meals, flowers, gifts, everything! It was incredible, I can't even list all of the service I received from my family. I definitely never felt alone, they always made sure I knew they were there for me. I love my family so much.

4. I consider it a tender mercy that I passed out in the hospital and not at home and that Matthew was there to catch me. I was able to receive immediate care and I was surrounded by such competent people.

5. Every woman I encountered who was able to say to me "the same thing happened to me". I found so much strength in those people. I loved when I could look at the children they have now and see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

6. My assignment to speak in Stake Conference was another tender mercy. I was "forced" to study the topic of finding hope in times of despair when I needed it the most. It was one of the elements of my recovery that helped me the most.

Like I said, I'm sure there were thousands more that I may even add later, but this is what I have for now. I am grateful for this experience and I am grateful that it is... "over". I'm grateful for the people who helped me through it. I hope that someone will find hope in my story and know that they are not alone the way so many women did that for me. Pray that we get pregnant again soon and that we can hold onto it, ok? :) I'll be praying hard too. If you made it all the way to the bottom, congratulations, and thanks for reading. I should definitely go now. Until next time.

2 years down, and forever to go! :)

Happy Anniversary, my love!!

Such a perfect day!

Ok, so I'm a few days late, AND I haven't blogged in forever, but I'm working on it. I have a post in the works, but I need to write for my SECOND anniversary. On our anniversary, I didn't do too much besides reminisce about the past 2 years and especially June 4, 2011. I went running in the morning (something Matthew and I love to do together) and then I sat down to eat breakfast. While eating, I watched our wedding video... TWICE. I am still a hopeless romantic. I love it. I love everything about weddings, especially MY wedding. It was the most perfect day of my entire life. I can't really think of anything I would have changed. Even the weather was PERFECT that day! Literally everything was PERFECT, and I am so glad I have a video that I can giggle through that brings back all of the feelings from that beautiful day and pictures from our entire dating history. Each picture has so many memories and most of them make me laugh my head off. Nothing beats the live video from our wedding day though. It lets me go back in time and feel all of the same feelings I had on that day.

So in love with this man...

 I did have a major realization while watching my wedding video though... I had no idea what I was getting myself into on June 4, 2011. I had no idea what love even was on that day! I feel like our love on that day was merely scratching the surface of what it COULD be in the grand scheme of things. I don't think our love today is near perfect, but I also can't believe how much stronger it is today than it was 2 years ago. We have been through some tough stuff this year, but we have also had some incredible accomplishments. With each failure and each accomplishment, our love only grows. I love Matthew more than my words could EVER describe. He literally is my best friend and I don't know that I could ever live without him in my life.

Isn't he so good looking!?

 This is a super mushy post, but it is true what they say.... Absence does make the heart grow fonder! Matthew is at Air Force training this month, and I missed him way bad on our anniversary. I felt like it was a huge day for me, but no one else really feels the same significance as Matthew and I do, which is understandable! I did get to talk to him for a little bit that night, as I do every night, and that made things a little better. He is doing SO good, guys. He is such a stud and he literally has success written all over him. He is such a hard worker and I don't know how I got so lucky. He tells me cute things, makes me laugh so hard, and always makes everything seem right in the world.

We're so cute, right?? :)

 Marriage is such a big deal. I feel like I always kind of down-played it. I loved the idea of a wedding and was so excited for mine. Only when I met Matthew and we started getting more serious did I realize what a huge deal it was. And even though it is a huge deal.. It was actually one of the easiest decisions I have ever made in my life. I literally just knew he was perfect for me in every way and I could live with him. What I didn't realize, however, is as time has gone on, the "ability to live with him" has truly turned into feeling like I can't live without him.

So, just to wrap this up... As if there was any question as to how much I love my husband... Rest assured, I love him VERY much. More than probably anything else in this world. We may not be perfect (I, for one, am far from it), but we definitely accept each other's imperfections. We work together, make decisions together, and we have a love that can't be beat! We're going to be together forever, and that's all there is to it. I am so grateful that we were sealed in the temple. It was so special to me to be able to have Matthew's grandpa perform our sealing. Every time I go to a family sealing now, I get to hear him perform that ordinance again and all of the memories come rushing back. That is such a special opportunity that I had that not very many other people get to have.

Love you, Matthew! Here's to eternity!

I am so proud of my air force officer, soon-to-be doctor, and I can't wait for year 3!

Big News!

It's here! Tomorrow is December 14th, and it is the day Matthew and I have been waiting for since we started out on this CRAZY medical school process... December 14th is the day that all of the medical schools ask for a deposit to hold your seat at their school (for those accepted before November 14th). Today we finally heard from the last of the schools, so we knew it was decision time.. AHHH!!!

Schools accepted to:
1. Rocky Vista in Parker, CO
2. LECOM in Erie, PA
3. West Virginia School of Osteopathic Medicine in Lewisburg, WV
4. Oklahoma State University in Tulsa, OK
5. A.T. Still University in Kirksville, MO
6. Des Moines University in Des Moines, IA (Wait-list)

Decision...

Kirksville is that little guy at the top of Missouri

 That's right. As of next summer, Matthew and I will be living in Missouri! I am so excited. This school is awesome, and we were so excited to find out that Matthew had been accepted there. :) Yeah, just FYI, they are the school that waited until TODAY to tell us. Talk about cutting it down to the wire! Insane... But totally worth it. AT Still has such a great reputation and it will present Matthew with very promising future opportunities. Most (if not all) of the best DO's we know have attended AT Still. Ever since Matthew interviewed there, I have felt so good about it and I have been hoping he would get in there. Everything I have heard about it is SO good. The academics, the community, the facilities, the ward, the "spouse support group", EVERYTHING! I am really excited to finally get started on this new adventure together.

Want some more good news??

I don't know if anyone knows what that means. It means that Matthew has been offered the Air Force Scholarship! This was HUGE news for us and such a relief! The knowledge that Matthew will graduate from medical school 100% debt free and with a job is the best thing in the world, especially with all of the uncertainty surrounding the future of health care. We were so excited to find out he had been selected! Now we just wait for him to be commissioned (probably sometime in February) and then maybe they will steal him for a month for officer training before we move away to Missouri.

Changes are coming, my friends! It is insane and sometimes it scares me, but I am so excited. We have been so blessed recently and I am so grateful! I am so proud of Matthew for all of his hard work, and I am so happy to see it all paying off. Happy times ahead!

Med School Update! :)

TOOT ALERT! (Meaning this will be a post of tooting my husband's horn... I'm really good at that!)

Wow, what a journey this whole med school thing has been! I will make this quick, but here is an update.

The process started with primary applications. I don't remember how many, but I think we sent the first ones to about 15 schools. Matt got secondaries from... All of them, I think! We were able to eliminate more schools based on more information that was presented to us. We sent secondaries to probably about... 10 schools. Then we started hearing back for interviews. We felt humbled and blessed at the amount of interviews that Matthew was awarded! Virtually every school he sent a secondary application to he got an interview to. I was so proud of him.

His interviews were set up to where we went to Denver first, the next week he made stops in Des Moines and West Virginia, the next weekend included a trip to Pennsylvania, and the next weekend was supposed to be a trip to Oregon. We went to Denver (which will probably be a separate post) and had a blast hanging out with Keith, Angie, and their kiddos. Matt had his interview on Thursday, so we hung out from Wednesday-Saturday. We got really lucky with this interview, because it turned out that the admissions board met the day after his interview, so we found out the next day that HE GOT IN!! :) We knew for sure that next year, Matthew would be attending medical school, and that it's just a matter of finding out where!

Jump ahead... Matthew has now been accepted to schools in Denver, West Virginia, and Pennsylvania. He got wait listed at the school in Des Moines. But wait! That's not all... Just when we were weighing our options, we found out about 2 more interviews! One at a school in Missouri called AT Still, and one at... Oklahoma State University!!! He will now go to Tulsa to interview on November 16th and Missouri on November 30th. OSU was probably the biggest shock to us. Coming into this process, OSU was probably Matt's first choice. We didn't know what the chances were of him getting in because they accept 80% of Oklahoma residents... which we are not... We had all but crossed them off of our list until we found out about this interview!! I was so excited for him...

So I guess this means that we are still at a stand still. Hopefully around the first of December we will know everywhere he has been accepted and will be able to make a decision. We need to let every school know by December 15th... On top of that, as soon as Matthew found out he got in, he went and met with an air force recruiter... He had to get a physical, send in more letters of recommendation, write more essays, and fill out an extensive application. (Now you see why I haven't blogged in so long!) The physical got complicated when they tested his eye sight and failed him, which we saw coming... Then he had to get a waiver from the Surgeon General before the board would review his application... Well, after working his butt off, he got everything done at lightning speed, got cleared by the surgeon general, and now we are waiting to hear the board's decision! We will hopefully know by the end of the month... AHHH!!!

So... needless to say, life has been crazy! I am so proud of Matthew and so proud of all of the hard work he has put in to get where he is now. We have been so incredibly blessed throughout this process, and I am so grateful that he will be given the opportunity to become a doctor. The only thing more fun than chasing your own dreams is watching your husband chase his! :) I am so proud of him! Hopefully I will be able to post in another month about when and where we will be living this summer! Intense!

Until next time. (Sorry for the lack of pictures!)

TOU Marathon 2012... My First Marathon!

Ok, it's been forever again, this will take a few posts to completely update on our lives... but this is a start! On September 15th, 2012, I ran my first marathon. WOO!! That feels awesome to say... What an adventure it was! I can honestly say that it wasn't even bad! Haha of course it is freaking LONG, but I hated life so much more while training than I did during the race! I can honestly say my longest training run (18 miles) was 10x worse than a 26.2 mile race, so I'm glad the race didn't leave a sour taste in my mouth.

So here's the back story for those of you who don't know it. Back in March...ish Matthew and his sister convinced me to train for and run the Bear Lake Half Marathon. Holy crap, that seemed like a crazy task! Knowing that Matt and his sister were (and are) both 10x faster than me, I went on a search for a running buddy who would run it with me at my pace. I went straight to Nicole (thinking, who better to train with than the sister who lives in Smithfield!?). After some convincing, I got her roped into it. Both of us started talking to Angie about it and her response was "I wish I could do it with you guys!!" Well... why not?? She was easy to convince. We just got her to book a flight to Utah! Then I called Josh. If you recall from my past stories, he sounded excited to do it. Then he called me a couple of days later and created the famous quote of "THIRTEEN POINT ONE MILES!? I didn't know it was that long! I mean, I always knew a marathon was 26 point something, but I didn't think about the fact that this was... half... that..." Yeah, awesome. Despite his fear of "I'm not a distance runner, I'm a sprinter", Josh signed up and so did his wife, Ang. (Again, she was much easier to convince than her husband. :)) And there it stood! We all ran the Bear Lake Half Marathon. (If you missed that race, you can read about it here.)

Ok, so we were getting ready to run a HALF marathon (which I was pretty freaked out about) and then the week of the race, I got an email from Angie. It said "So I've been thinking... (Yeah, first problem right there!) I want to run a full. THIS SUMMER. I mean... a marathon has always been on my bucket list, and I figured we might as well do it now while we are already half way there in our training!" Ok, I'm way too competitive to be at the same running level as my sister and then let her move forward without me and move onto a marathon... I'm convinced... We signed up a week or two later for the TOU marathon here in Logan, and the training began. I already told you about how much I LOVED (heavy on the sarcasm) that, so let's just move on to race weekend.

Angie flew in kind of late on Friday night. She grabbed dinner on her way up to Logan and crashed at our place that night. Matt and I ate Cafe Rio (It actually DOES have a lot of carbs in it... rice, tortilla... beans... Ok, maybe we just love it too much!) and Angie stopped at Noodles and Co. (Ok, much more normal pre-race dinner...). That night, we chatted for a little bit and Angie and I were FREAKING out! We had both suffered set backs in our training (Angie got a nasty headcold, and I had actually been wearing a boot during the day for the final month of my training and took 3 weeks off to heal my foot in the middle of training.) but we knew there was nothing more we could do at this point. Both of our stomachs were freaking out, and so we decided to go to bed instead of talking about it any more. We woke up bright and early the next morning and walked to the finish line/bus pick-up. Luckily, my apartment is literally a quarter of a mile from the starting line, so we didn't even have to drive anywhere!

Ok, so we got our packets, got on the bus and settled in for the long ride up to Blacksmith Fork Canyon. The bus ride wasn't as bad as I thought. We just talked a little bit, tried to sleep a little bit (yeah, right!) and nibbled on a half of a bagel. It was pretty uneventful. Once we got up there, we just hit the porta-potties, drank some water, stripped off our warm clothes and got ready to run! We didn't have to wait long at all... Thank goodness! As we stood there waiting to start, Matt said he was going to run it with me. I felt WAY bad making him stay out there on his feet any longer than he needed to and told him to run his pace and I would be ok. I actually felt pretty bad later because it was so sweet of him to want to run with me, but I didn't want to make him suffer! Trust me, running at my pace when you don't have to is definitely suffering. Haha so he ran at his pace and did awesome!

Ok, so we took our place at the starting line and then we started! The whole first part of the race is pretty uneventful. You are SURROUNDED by SO many people, it's incredible! I never thought there were THAT many people who actually wanted to run a marathon! It was way cool. Luckily, the first 14 or so miles are all run in the canyon. It is so beautiful, especially in September! It was really nice to be distracted. Angie and I ran together and we were both feeling so good! We had decided we weren't going to run with a watch and we were just going to run it, do it, and not worry about our time. We had no idea how long we had been out there. Around mile 7, we decided to walk through the aid station, get some water, and pop some shot blocks. Have I ever said how much I LOVE black cherry shot blocks? Well, goodness, I love them! They taste so good just when you need them! Haha so we kept running, feeling awesome, and walked through aid stations here and there. When we got half way there at mile 13, it was the first time we saw a clock telling us how long we had been running. We ran the first half in 2:04! We were SO stoked! We both were feeling awesome and we ran the first half faster than we ran our half back in June! It was sweet. I know that everyone says that is to be expected, but we were seriously feeling awesome. I stopped for a quick bathroom break, caught up to Angie and we started going again.

Around mile 14-15 is when the spectators can actually start sitting on the side of the road cheering you on. There are no words to describe what a boost this brings! There were so many people at the mouth of the canyon screaming and cheering everyone on! I seriously get goosebumps just thinking about it... It was awesome! We ran a little farther and there I saw Nicole and Jeremy with Makelle and Parker! WOW! I never thought that would mean so much to me. As soon as I saw them, my eyes watered so bad (ok, maybe I cried... But Nicole did too!!) It was awesome. They made these awesome signs too:

I loved the signs. They made me laugh so hard. So creative. I loved it.. Then I found out later that Parker had been doing this the whole time until we got there...

Who WOULDN'T smile when they see this face!?

Nicole said he would laugh SO hard when people slapped his hand... How freaking adorable!!

 Seeing the crowd and especially seeing my family gave me such a boost! I didn't feel like I had run as far as I had! It was going my so fast and I seriously was feeling better than I ever thought possible!

Here we come around mile 15!

 Right around this time, however, things started to take an unexpected turn. For how good we felt, I didn't think anything would get to us. The night before the race and the morning of the race, Angie's stomach hadn't been feeling well. We just figured it was butterflies from the nerves and everything and that everything would calm down once we started running. Well... It turns out that was not the case. Around this time, her stomach started cramping SO bad.. I was trying to talk her through it and trying to keep her mind off of it, but I honestly had no idea what to say and I had never dealt with anything like this before! This is when I got sad that I had told Matt to run ahead of us, because I knew he would have known what to do... I was clueless... But we kept running on. We would walk through the aid stations and a little after them trying to eat a banana and drink water to calm her stomach down. Nothing was really working... She would dry heave a lot and I think around mile... 18 or 19 she actually threw up. She lost everything... I don't know if people truly understand what this means... When you are running a marathon, you NEED fuel to carry you through it... Especially if you are out running for 4-5 miles like we are. Things started going downhill. We started "fighting" from miles 18 to about 22. She was worrying about me because she didn't want to hold me back, and I told her I wasn't going to leave her and we were going to finish the race together... This fight went on for awhile. Finally she said "Lauren, I'm not going to start running again until you leave me. I promise you I will finish, but you are making this worse". Ok, maybe that wasn't an exact quote, but she said all of those things for the most part...

Here we are right as Angie's stomach started getting worse and we started "fighting"

 Holy crap!! What the heck do you do!? What would you do?? Call me a terrible person... but I jogged ahead... My eyes filled up with tears and I was so angry and sad. I didn't know what to do. I actually turned around a couple of times and thought about just running back and staying with her. Maybe I should have... Running alone SUCKS! Haha I admire people who do it alone all the time, but it sucks. I saw Nicole, Jeremy, and the kids a little bit farther up the road. I could see the worry when Nicole saw that Angie wasn't with me anymore. I started crying and told her what happened. She gave me some water and told me to keep going and she would watch out for Angie. Thank goodness I had Nicole! I felt so much better knowing that Angie would have SOMEONE there if she could just make it to Nicole. I was so worried about her.

Everyone always told me that miles 18-22 were the hardest, but I honest had the hardest time running alone from miles 22-26. Wow! It was long. Haha I got tired, but at that point you know it would just be silly to quit. I got to mile 24.5 and I saw my sister-in-law, Trisha, and her husband Chett, standing there cheering me on. I just remember hearing Trisha say "Lauren, you are AMAZING!!!" and that was all I needed. I powered through all of the pain and emotions and I knew Matt would be waiting for me at the end. I told myself everything he would have told me in all of the right places. There was a slight downhill, "Let your legs go, Lauren!" and I passed a few people holding their legs back. I got to 26 miles (no one prepares you for that blasted .2...) and I saw Matt. I don't remember what he said, but I do remember that what I thought he said and what he actually said were two different things. I knew I was supposed to kick though. So I just finished as strong as I could and gave it everything I could! I passed a few people on my way in (which I LOVE doing) and then I was done!! Holy crap... Did I seriously just do that!?

Coming over to see Parker and Makelle when I finished.

 Once Matt hobbled his way over, I told him everything that happened, and we waited for Angie to finish. All I can say is, if you want to be inspired by a marathon, watch the finish line at the end of the race! I mean, I'm sure watching wickedly fast people come in in 3 hours is freaking awesome and inspiring, and I respect them, don't get me wrong! But wow, watching people who would not quit no matter what was SO motivating for me! There were a few people who literally limped across the finish line with shredded IT bands, but they made it across that finish line! I respect those people SO much, and I can't help but think that if I was in their same situation, I probably would have quit. That is actually what I told Angie as well. Seeing her come across the finish line was one of the most emotional moments of the race. She finished SO strong, and most people wouldn't even have guessed what she had been going through just a few miles before. There was one point she was so dizzy she could barely put one foot in front of the other. But guess what.... She freaking finished!!! How amazing is that?? You hear about people bonking and dropping out of the race all of the time... But guess what?? My sister bonked and STILL FINISHED! Haha that is amazing to me. Incredible even!

The gang after the race! WOO!!

 Overall, I loved it. I loved the race, I loved that the hills weren't too bad, and I loved that I did it! If I could change one thing (and I'm sure everyone would agree with me on this), I would eliminate the dumb winding through the neighborhoods! Once you know Logan, you realize how close you are to the finish line the entire time, and how irritating that is. Haha from about 3 miles out, I could hear the announcer at the finish line! How irritating is that when you still have 3 miles left!? Overall, I loved everything about it! I came into this race thinking that it would probably be my first and only but... we'll see... :) I don't know when I will run another, but... I think I will probably definitely run another one.

Me and my honey! I couldn't have done it without him! Love him!

Quick shout out to my love! He had to deal with all of my whining, my slow pace, my dumb injured foot, my whining, my worries, oh, and did I mention my whining? I am so lucky to have someone who tells me he believes in me and helps me believe in myself! He finished the marathon in like... 3 hours and 10 minutes I think? I actually can't remember. He did freaking awesome though! Love that man!

Two of my beautiful sisters!

Another quick shout out to Nicole and Angie! I never would have run it had Angie not asked me if I wanted to. She was my little phone and email buddy for the months leading up to the race and she always kept me going! I've said it before, and I'll say it again, the race would have SUCKED had I not had her to run with. She definitely kept me going the whole time. I am so proud of her and for finishing despite having every reason not to. And to Nicole (and fam)... Their support meant the world to me! Seeing them there gave me an additional energy boost that I always needed right when they were there! I was so grateful for their support and love.

I seriously have the best family in the world on both sides! My in laws and my family were both supporting and encouraging throughout the entire training process! It is so nice to know there are people who care and people who are cheering you on! Thanks to everyone who ever gave me words of advice or encouragement throughout this process... A marathon is literally more than I ever thought it would be. You literally push yourself to a physical and an emotional breaking point. It is the best accomplishment I have ever made in my life because it wasn't something that came "easy" to me. That made it all worth it. We'll see if and when I do another one...

I DID IT!!!! :)

Summer 2012 Update

You know, I hate when I don't blog very often because then I don't give the full details on everything. Instead, I just do something like bullet-points... I will probably do that now. :)

• Matthew and I have had a fun, but pretty uneventful summer. We are both just working and enjoying the days we get to spend some time together and do fun things. One day, we went to the zoo and got snow cones. Matthew was impressed with my fabulous choice of flavors. Thank you high school summer soccer and getting snow cones virtually every day!

These monkeys were my favorite. We seriously stood and watched them for like 10 minutes

All of the pictures I took were turning out blurry, so I made Matthew take one and... this was the end result. Oh well!

And a picture that shows half of the table... Awesome. But we love snow cones!!

•  I am still "training" for my marathon... If you can even call it that. Gosh, SO frustrating! My tendonitis in my foot started acting up again, so I have been in a boot and haven't run for the past 3 weeks. Super terrifying considering I am supposed to be running a MARATHON in 5 weeks from today. Not only am I running a marathon, but it will be my FIRST marathon. Not a good start so far... Haha oh well, it is feeling much better, so hopefully I will have enough time to teach my body how to run and how to run for a really long time! I was going to shoot for a time with this marathon, but now I am honestly just hoping to finish... Sad, huh? Maybe I should just stick to half marathons instead... :) Oh well, I am still really excited to do it and accomplish something that always seemed to be impossible.

• This week I went down to Salt Lake from Tuesday-Thursday and got to see {most} of my long-lost best friends from high school. Unfortunately, Jaynee was in Cedar City, but I got to see Breanna, Megan, and Katie! It was so exciting and I have missed them so much. We laughed, talked, gossiped about old high school people, and basically just caught up. I love hanging out with them. You can always tell who your best friends are because when you see them, it truly feels like it hasn't been forever.. I miss them so much, and I am so grateful that Matthew was understanding of my need for "girl time" and let me drive down. :) I also got to hang out with my mom a lot. It doesn't seem like I get enough time with her most trips down because we usually only have a weekend and usually EVERYONE else is there too. Haha but this time it was just the two of us and it was so fun to catch up and spend some time together! We even made me a long maxi skirt that I have been wanting forever! I have been searching online stores for a skirt long enough that fits me around the waist... Apparently that is impossible, so my mom and I just decided to buy some fabric, add 6 inches on to the end of a pattern, and call it good! I am going to wear it to church tomorrow, so I will take a picture and post it later. :)

Three of my best friends at Kneaders for breakfast! {Missed you Jane!!} LOVE THESE GIRLS!!

•   And perhaps the most exciting news of this post (if you have even made it this far...) Matthew has officially applied for medical schools, got secondary applications back from every single one of them, and so far has FOUR interviews lined up! We debated on how many people to tell because... I don't know, it's weird. You almost don't want to tell anyone just in case things don't work out, but sometimes I just can't hold it in! I am so incredibly proud of him. I know this isn't a guarantee that he will get in, but he has worked so hard for these interviews and I'm so glad to see something turn up. I just hope something comes of at least one of them! So the current scheduled interviews are:

• September 10th- LECOM in Bradenton, FL (extension of LECOM in Pennsylvania)
• September 20th- Rocky Vista in Parker, CO (right outside of Denver!!! YAY!! Ok, I'm trying to be unbiased, but let's be honest, I am PRAYING for Colorado. I will go wherever Matthew wants and wherever we feel is best, but I would LOVE to live close to Angie and Keith and this is the closest option we have to home in UT... Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself. We'll just see what happens and what the best option for our family is. :) But I am excited because I will be going out to Denver with him and we will visit Keith and Angie. It will be a fun little trip for us!)
• September 27th- Des Moines University in... you got it! Des Moines, IA. I don't know much about this one, but apparently it's a really good school!
• October 5th- LECOM in Erie, Pennsylvania. This is a really good school as well. It was one of Matthew's top choices from the beginning, so we'll see if he's impressed after visiting the campus and learning more.

So anyway, we will see what happens with those. Obviously, it is getting kind of expensive with having to make all of the travel arrangements and everything, so if he gets any more then we may have to start picking and choosing which one he REALLY wants to go to... We'll see. Luckily, we have been saving for this since... we got married, basically, so we are doing good so far. :) I am so proud of him. Like I said, hopefully something will come of at least one of these interviews, but any prayers are welcome and appreciated! Matthew is a great people-person and a fabulous interviewer (I actually get extremely jealous sometimes), but sometimes a little divine intervention is nice too! :

I think that is basically everything... We have been SO blessed recently and I am so grateful for all of the opportunities that we have had to accomplish our goals. Changes are brewing around the Wright household and we can't wait to see where we will be in the next few years and what we will be doing! I will try to post updates as frequently as possible, especially with news of any big changes! So all two of you reading this will be the first to know what is going on in our life!

Until next time!